Courtesy of Stockvault
This is a guest post for Epic Mom Blog that I did last month and thought I would share it with my readers. Who said being a single parent would be difficult? Who said being a single parent would lead to feeling lonely and unloved? I’m raising my hand to both! At some point during your journey as a single mother you will be exhausted, lonely, and unloved. As a single mother we talk about our struggles with our baby’s daddy and ex-husbands while raising our children, we give each other support and advice, but we don’t talk about wanting and needing to be loved and the sacrifices we make to do our job as single mothers. We keep that need and desire a secret. As if we don’t want anyone to know that part of us.
It’s time for us to let the cat out the bag, purrr! None of us had a immaculate conception. At some point we had sex that’s how we became mothers, right. Hell some of us had great sex! No matter how strong we become as single mothers, deep down we still want to have someone wrap their arms around us, tell us that we’re beautiful, that we’re loved and that they want to make passion love to us. It’s okay to blush at this point, it’s a healthy reaction just like wanting to be loved.
As single mothers, we exert a huge amount of energy into raising our children. Most of the responsibility of raising our children falls onto our shoulders. Because it takes so much energy, we place ourselves on the back burner. We bury our need to be loved because loving our children becomes the priority, but at some point they come roaring to the surface. Maybe on a Saturday night, seeing a couple holding hands walking down the street or spotting a delicious piece of eye candy in the next lane while driving home from the office. You ask yourself if you will ever find love again. You think about buying something sexy and wearing it while your favorite aroma scented candle is burning and your favorite wine is waiting to be sipped. I know you do, I’ve been there.
We as single mothers need to admit that we have these feelings. I’m encouraging all of you to say, I feel lonely at times. Admit that you want someone to love. If you’re alone while reading this post, scream it! Now I can’t guarantee that a handsome man will appear when you finish, but at least you’re acknowledging those deep down feelings. You’re freeing yourself from the guilt of wanting to be with someone and the pain of not being able to achieve it because of your situation. Free yourself ladies! Cry if you want to, we all need our soul cleansed at some point.
As my daughter got older the loneliness didn’t go away, but I worried about dating and having a strange man around her. I worried about her being molested by someone that I was dating or having her see me in another failed relationship. I had made mental notes of women who had placed a man before her children or trusted them around her children and the man ended up abusing them. Being a single mother was tough enough, I simply couldn’t add that burden to my list of life’s troubles. I realized that I treasured her more than I wanted a relationship.
Here’s how I alleviated some of my loneliness:
1. I accepted that I deserved to have a little fun and needed adult interaction. I let go of the guilt, and decided to be responsible in getting my needs met. I opened myself up to dating, but nothing serious. When I was asked out for a casual date, I made sure either my mom or sister had my daughter for the week-end. No live ins or week-end partners when my daughter was at home.
2. I took college courses to better myself. They kept me busy to a point where I didn’t have time to focus on my loneliness. I also met great people in my classes and would meet them for a drink or burger after class.
3. I reconnected with old friends, male and female. Surprisingly, they were receptive to spending time with me and at times my daughter.
4. I compiled a list of books that I wanted to read. This included self-improvement, romance, true crimes and anything else that caught my eye.
5. I learned to cross-stitch and crochet. (Sure wish I had taken that sewing class).
6. I treated myself nice on the Saturday nights that I didn’t have a date. I burned candles, put on soothing music and soaked in a hot tub. It was so relaxing. I immersed feeling great and having a different attitude.
7. You can always turn to on-line groups who can relate to your situation. They are great source of inspiration, a great way to make friends and social networking for business endeavors.
Know that you are not alone and you will eventually find love again. Good things come to things who wait.